Here I was in my 4th year, pursuing a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology at Daystar University. Nope, it is not a 4 or 5 year degree. It is a 2 year degree, but I managed to squeeze a 2 year degree into 5! No, I’m not unintelligent either. It was all a matter of logistics. We were living near Daystar’s Athi River campus (where we could best host our student ministry), but all my master’s classes were in Nairobi and the trip to Nairobi was, in those days, an arduous 2-3 hour drive. In addition, most of my classes being night classes, my driving at night was a challenge at best. So, I took as many day classes as I could, and would drive in during the day, while Chip was working in Athi River campus, then he would take the staff bus to Nairobi and after my class got out, we’d have dinner and he would drive us home. Wow…what a man! There was no way I was going to ask him to do this every weekday, so I took only 2 classes per term…hence the 5 years for a 2-year course. I saw 3 cohorts come and go before I graduated. People would come back, see me and ask “Are you still here?” Yup!
I was finally on the home stretch of my studies and nearing time to do the practicum part, when I was approached by our pastor. He knew I was studying counseling psychology, and he asked if I could help him with 3 couples with whom he had been working on saving their marriages. He was feeling quite frustrated with the lack of progress and wondered if I could design a group counseling/support program and then Chip and I conduct it. He and his wife would participate in the group and help out where needed. What…group marriage counseling?! You’ve got to be kidding! I simply could not imagine any couple opening up to another, with their deepest darkest secrets and struggles. I voiced my hesitation, but he was insistent that we try. He was at his wits end. So, I approached my supervisor with the request to see if by any chance this could qualify for my practicum. He was skeptical at first, but in the end decided it would qualify for part of the practicum. So, there I was with a task to come up with some sort of group counseling/support program for couples and to lead it as well. I was terrified.
Then I remembered a bunch of marriage ministry material given to us by a fellow missionary couple several years ago that had been sitting on our shelves for years. Maybe this could help. I also was lent some DVDs with good marriage material. Eventually, with a lot of work and guidance from the Lord and other people, I had put something together and we were ready to “test drive” it. I had no idea if this would work at all. I prayed we would not make matters worse for these couples. Finally, the day to start the course arrived…
I was amazed. These couples bonded very quickly and opened their hearts, freely and honestly sharing their struggles, attempts at fixing their marriages, failures, temptations, and more. We talked together about deep things. We cried together. We laughed together. We prayed together. This was the birth of the marriage and family arm of ministry of Ukarimu Ministries. We refined and fine tuned the program until it evolved into Reality Check. We now have Reality Check – The Journey Begins for couples married 5 years or less, to help them establish their marriages on a good foundation. We have now branched into Reality Check – Mid-Journey for couples married 6-18 years, who face challenges mid-career with balancing work, family, and education and are trying to survive raising teens or are facing mid-life crises. We hope to also establish Reality Check – Finishing Well, for couples married 18 years and more, who face the specter of the empty nest, retirement looming, diminished energy and health, and wondering how to relate with their adult kids. We also provide marriage counseling, premarital counseling and from time to time, parenting classes upon request.
When I look back at the “Mom & Pop” ministry Ukarimu Ministries used to be and how far it has come, I marvel at God’s leading and guidance step by step. If anyone had told me we would come to where we are now and describe the ministry today, some years back, I would have said “No way. We can’t accomplish all that. And in many ways, it’s true. We can’t on our own. But with God’s help, guidance and provision, we are what we are today. All I can say is “To God be the glory, great things He has done”.
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